Too busy to blog

Craaaazy week! 

The logistics is the worst part of being a working mother. Not only do you miss hours and days at a time with your kids, but you have to do all the fun drops offs and pick ups too.

So this week I'm juggling work, training in another town, and heading to yet another town for family birthdays all weekend. Sounds simple right? Thrown 2 kids in the mix, various babysitters, and only car. Humph. I had to make notes just to understand my own movements. Yep.

On a different note, I'm seeing a Psychologist for the first time tomorrow. And I told my Dad I have depression today. 2 years go he would have hugged when I told him something like that. Things between us now are stiff and uncomfortable. Hopefully tomorrow helps me deal with it. I don't know if anything can help Dad. He knows leaving his girlfriend will solve a lot of his problems, but he won't do it.

If I had 3 wishes right now:-

(Wow, had to stop and think. Instinctly thought "money"... Am I being shallow or realistic?)

1. My family are healthy and happy (that's a cheat wish, I know)

2. My parents find peace

3. I win the lottery... Ok, maybe I get the promotion I'm keen for. Money and fulfilment.

Good night x

Refrigerator of life

Having a morning alone with my daughter while the boys run around paddocks. We have a small farm as well as both working, just to fill up any spare time we thought we had! 

But it's lovely, my son is only 2 and just relishes his time out there. We are the 4th generation of my husband's family to own the land, and I'd love my son or daughter to be the 5th.

My daughter and I were having breakfast together and she was absorbed in the clutter that is my fridge. It got me thinking that you can tell a lot about a person by what's stuck on their fridge. Mine is an explosion of photos, invitations, important phone numbers and souvenirs, both our own and gifts from travellers. It's a mess of family, friends, memories and quirks. It's our life, on our refrigerator doors.

I'm going to take more notice of other people's fridges from now on. It's a glimpse into their sole. One friend draws monthly calendars with whiteboard markers - she's a control freak. My mum has photos, but they're in those little magnet frames and very neat - she's 100% family, but she's a school teacher and very neat and orderly.

Trying to remember what's on my Dad's fridge. I think he has the left over photos that Mum didn't take when they separated. Wow. What does that mean? The remnants of a past life. I suppose he is trying to "find himself" after he had an affair and destroyed the family. Maybe he's forgotten who he is. Maybe that's why he had an affair. With my friend, a married mother of 3. Yeah I know, nice right? 

I wonder what's on her fridge. I haven't seen her since I found out about the affair. I work with them both, so it was a very difficult time. I rang her husband and told him, poor bastard. Probably wasn't my place, but damn it felt good!

This was almost 2 years ago, and unfortunately my parents' marriage is over and Dad is still seeing the other woman. And I have to see him everyday at work. It's been rough, and turned into depression in my case, and my brother. We're the people-pleasers in the family, looking after everyone but ourselves.

Anyway, enough blogging now, I've got a beautiful 11 month old girl who needs a playmate. My favourite role, of my many.  

Up and down

Took the kids shopping in the city today. I don't work Fridays, so it was a good opportunity to do some birthday shopping, with the help of my Dad (Grandad).

Costco was the first stop - how bloody good is Costco?! Nappies, wine, pizza... All the necessities as far as I'm concerned, in bulk, and cheap.

Then a kids indoor play centre - how bloody good are those too? Happy kids, coffee, fences.... Heaven. I saw an old friend there with her 2yo. She was about to go back to work full-time. Funny how hearing other people do it makes it sound acceptable to me. After everything I've been through, I think at some level I still seek people's approval for my own life choices. It's ok if other people are doing it, right? I need to grow some balls....

On to the shopping centre where I gave my bank account a work-out for the kids, yet couldn't justify spending a dollar on myself.

I'll get a little heavy here. I was diagnosed with depression 3 weeks ago. A combination of things, mainly  the recent separation of my parents (married for 30 years). GP prescribed antidepressants, but refused because I'm breastfeeding. Seeing a psychologist next week so hopefully that's helpful.

The reason I brought that up is that that's the first shopping trip I've been on where I haven't had to hide all the bags from my husband. I didn't buy myself one single thing, when normally I'm a shopping fiend. This definitely shows some emotional change in me. I want to change back. My bank account doesn't. 

Anyway, back to the homestead where I found a tired and cranky husband looking for a argument. Don't get me wrong, he's an amazing man and we've been together and in love for 10 years now. But he has a temper, and there are arguments. Nothing physical, but it still hurts.

So hubby's in bed with the shits, kids are exhausted and sleeping peacefully, and I'm watching Harry Potter with a rum and coke.

Such is life. 

Peace, my friends.

Introduction

Hello out there in blog world!

This is my very first blog. I've decided to write it for a few reasons. Firstly, I'm a working mother who is passionate about a woman's right to choose motherhood AND a career, and want to tell my story.

Secondly, I've been having a rough trot emotionally and thought perhaps writing a few things down might help.

And lastly, I've always felt I had a novel in me, but a blog just might be the working mother's solution to writing! Small doses, can be done while children sleep (ahem, IF they sleep).

So here goes!

To introduce myself properly, I am a 29yo mother of 2 gorgeous children. My son, Harry, is almost 3, and my daughter, Gabrielle, is almost 1. You'll hear plenty more about them, but in summary they are my world.

I am also a career woman in the business and finance world. For as long as I can remember I've wanted 2 things - to be successful, and to be a mother. I knew if I worked hard enough I could have both. What I wasn't prepared for was the juggling act that is being a working mother.

Motherhood is joy. Completeness. Belonging. Pride. Absolute, unconditional love.

It can also be guilt. Struggle. Exhaustion. Tears.

Combine that emotional roller coaster with career goals - and plenty more drama there, let me warn you - and you've got a blog topic.

Enjoy...